today i want to discuss why i despise most people. this may very well include you.
**ladies. i do not want to bloody hear about your babies. and how cute they are. and how ahead of the learning curve they are. and how smart they are. and how they said the funniest things today! THEY ARE USUALLY JUST LIKE ANY OTHER BABY THAT IS BORN EVERY DAY. in fact, this is just how UN-SPECIAL AND COMMONPLACE you and your baby really are:
4 births each second of every day
245 births each minute
14,709 births each hour
353,015 births per day
128.9 million births per year
yes, i will smile, nod, widen my eyes appropriately at statistics given to you by your dr about how awesome you baby is, BUT I DO NOT CARE. i don't! there. i said it. call me a shit head.
(please note that i am much more tolerant to these things only if i know the woman/child--sisters, close close friends.)(i'm not a total asshole.)
**pedestrians. you are in my way. when i am walking, and when i am driving. i guess you are too busy being fat and stupid as you meander around the sidewalk and the middle of the road. well. i'm just going to start considering running you all over. i'm just sayin'.
**men. i will no longer tolerate shitty behavior! we women are not objects, weak or dumb. (well ok, there are some out there. yes. they dwell in walmart, mostly.) i have hit one boy repeatedly in the face, punched another in the eye, and verbally brought a third to his knees- all this year only! and all in the name of standing up for myself and my integrity. i am overwhelmed and sickened by the dropping of standards in the treatment of women. i'm not going to go out and rally about it or become some crazy feminist lesbo to get my point across, but do it around me, and you WILL have a black eye. not an idle threat.
**girls. why in heavens name would you ever ever ever buy ugg boots? i keep a tally of how many i see each day on campus. it averages out to 13. throw on your faux-fur trimmed puffy white coat, mid-calf length terry cloth work out pants and your biggest hoop earrings-- mother fucker! you are one fashionable bitch. look how they make this woman so much cooler than she already is.
actually, every time i see a girl wearing a pair, i venomously think of a way i could ruin them as i walked by...throw up...black ink...knifing them as i saunter by...and i automatically assume the girl is a total mindless consumer whore who will never be able to hold up a conversation. based on her boots. how shallow can i be?
i absolutely realize this is a very stupid post, and i could go on and on and on about how much i hate people. but it's mostly just today. this is most certainly a product of lack of sleep for days and days and being surrounded by IDIOTS in my daily life. srsly. guh. i am in a very bad mood and i just want to steal a car. an insanely fast car, then a jet, fly to sweden to smoke ganja, drink absinthe and bang every hot guy i can get my arms around. then wake up laying in bed draped with adorable puppies. while getting an all day message by all the men i just banged, i will be eating cheese and european chocolate whilst listening to jens lekman. gaaaaah. oh and, all this in a giant hot air balloon.
don't know who jens lekman is? shame on you. here, let me help you:
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